JUSTICE LEAGUE : The End Of The World
by Doctor Whoops
Summary: It seems the JLA have failed, Snapper Carr gets ready to broadcast but how do you tell the world it's all over? A short funny fic dedicated to J&P with love


JUSTICE LEAGUE

"THE END OF THE WORLD!"

It was a newscasters dream and nightmare all at once.

"You're five minute call Mr Carr."

Snapper Carr was about to go live and announce the end of the world. And suddenly everything that had once troubled him seemed to pale into insignificance.

Snapper straightened his tie, but even that seemed futile "I mean," he thought to himself, "It's not like anyone was going to be around to write in and complain that it was crooked!"

Snapper noticed that people seemed to be coping in different ways. To the make up girl it was just another day as Snapper patiently waited for her to touch up the small layer of foundation she had given him earlier.

Sighing Snapper realised that he was tired, but, "no need to worry about that he," he reflected "I'll soon be dead and I'll get all the rest I need then."

He was hungry but the thought of spending whatever time was left to him eating seemed wasteful, and anyway starvation wasn't going to be a problem.

Snapper was also thirsty and in severe need of a stiff drink; and although the network was very hot on drinking alcohol before broadcasts, Snapper had never really taken that rule seriously and saw no reason to start now. "Besides it's not as if anyone was going to sack me now," he thought

The thought of drink reminded Snapper that he had a half bottle of Vodka stashed in a draw and finally he found something that resembled a purpose. He unscrewed the cap and downed it in one.

It was then that Snapper realised he had to pee before he died.

A knock came on the toilet door.

"Mr Carr your two minute call."

Snapper finished fiddling with his zipper and staggered out into the dressing room, he was feeling a little dizzy.

He stumbled down the corridor to the studio on autopilot making his way barely aware of his surroundings, and seemingly oblivious to the floor manager's beratings he waited while they clipped on his mike, then he was ushered to his studio chair.

"The most important broadcast ever and he turns up like this!" The Floor Manager muttered, "your unprofessional Carr I expected better of you!"

Snapper looked in his direction; it was way too late in the day to be playing corporate games. But the Floor Manager was right about one thing, this was the most important and for that matter, final broadcast he was ever going to make.

A sudden wave of relief hit him as Snapper realised that what he said and how he said it wasn't going to matter a bit! All people were going to hear was "OH MY GOD WE'RE GOING TO DIE!"

"Three Two One."

The on air light went on and suddenly the pathetic wreck that had shuffled himself into the studio was gone, and in his place was Snapper Carr ace roving reporter!

"You're watching WGBS with me your host Lucas "Snapper" Carr." He began, staring fixedly into the camera. "It has just been confirmed by Star Labs that a projectile believed to contain an anti matter warhead has entered the solar system and is currently on course with our planet."

Snapper Carr paused to let that sink in.

"Earlier today an ultimatum was issued by the evil despot known as Darkseid, ruler of the distant planet Apokolips. His demands were simple, surrender or die. Following an emergency meeting of the United Nations The Justice League went to Apokolips in a bid to end the threat, it is now abundantly clear that they have failed and that this planet must now prepare for the worst."

Again Snapper paused, and to the many viewers that now held onto his every word it appeared that he was trying to hold back his tears, (but in reality the vodka had got the worst of him and he was trying to stifle a burp.)

"All that leaves me to say," Snapper continued when he had got himself together, "is that I guess we must take what little time is left to us all and prepare our selves as best as we can, spend time with our loved ones and maybe tell them the things we have never been able to say."

Everyone in the studio was stunned! The autocue was running but Snapper had deviated from it almost from the word go, and yet the simplicity of what he said and the delivery of his words under such trying circumstances made for possibly the greatest news television moment ever.

Sensing that everyone was enraptured Snapper continued.

"On a personal note I would like to say to Bethany Lee my wife of three years, to whom I have been faithfully married, Bethany I never really loved you I just wanted to get closer to your sister!"

There was a gasp from the studio, and Snapper felt as if a great weight had been lifted from his chest.

"I regret not owning a dog," he continued, "not seeing the pyramids and never trying gay sex!"

The cameras were still rolling, and the Floor Managers jaw had dropped in disbelief as Snapper continued to unburden his innermost thoughts.

"To Morgan Edge the boss here at WGBS, for whom I have loyally slaved and toiled for the best part of almost ten years and who has consistently turned down my request for a raise six times in a row, all I can say is screw you! SCREW YOU! YOU BLOOD SUCKING SON OF A ."

Snapper was suddenly aware that a runner was attempting to hand him another news flash. He snatched the piece of paper and without even scanning it announced:

"This just in! Professor Emil Hamilton of Star Labs has announced that the trajectory of Darkseid's anti matter missile."

The colour began to drain from Snappers face, an awkward pause ensued as the implications of what he had just done began to hit home.

"The trajectory of Darkseid's anti matter missile has been diverted into the sun by the combined efforts of The Justice League!" He heard himself say.

"According to Professor Hamilton the heat of the sun will safely destroy the missile, almost as quickly" he added, "and effectively as I have just destroyed my career. This is Lucas "Snapper" Carr signing off from WGBS to throw himself from Hobbs Bay!"

The End


End file.
